Well since non of my family or friends are on here I won't get any shit for it. But today is my 24th birthday... I feel I should be more excited then I am and what I am is nothing it's just another fucking day. It's just a bunch of people that normally wouldn't give me the time if day every are now giving me 10 secs of their day for a text or fb post. Ya I don't seem to give a shit. It's kinda depressing actually how I don't care and then that just makes it worse. No plans nothing fun stayed home all day gonna go to work then the day will be over.
I hate feeling like this but again noone will read this so know one will know. I'm in a constant state of " I don't give a fuck" think the happiest I have seen myself and most people that know me will agree would have been a week ago I think maybe 2 weeks ago. Met a nice female my age we hit it off she was happy to see me hang out with me talk to me. That lasted all of 3 days now idk havnt talked to her cause she won't talk to me. I don't know what it is about me.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Rape me slowly
Side note lollipop lust kill needs to make more music. Nothing like songs of murder to get you through the day or night. Speaking of murder professional murder music needs to come out with another album.
So let's do an update. I started school Monday not was many classes as I planned on taking tho and I will explain. My father told me he was gonna cover my classes and pay for them to help me. So I signed up for 3 or 4 classes first responder, eng communications, med terms, and maybe survay to anatomy. So I signed up for all those classes. Then last min my father tells me he won't have any money to send till a few days after the due date for paying for the classes. So since my father flaked on me I had to drop all the classes but one. So I payed for first responder out of my pocket about 400 + dollars. So ya got fucked over on that one.
What else ? Still working hard at universal. Gonna start looking for a second job cause not to be greedy but I'm not making enough money. So if I get a second job I can start affording things I need along with bills and still might have some left over cash.
I need to do some things that I just can't afford. Like my car needs an overhaul oil change tranie flush brakes checked all that jazz.
I need some shoes cause I have two pairs and they are falling apart it's getting bad.
I need to start paying my brother back.
I need to figure out what I'm doing for the future ( living situation).
I want a few things kinda upgrades to life really.
I would like a laptop to I can get shit done for school and stop using my phone for all my Internet needs.
Would like to get some new clothes ( and rid of some old ones) cause alot of my stuff doesn't fit so well anymore.
Isn't as much of a need at all but I would like to get rid of my cannon of a gun and get a newer smaller pistol.
Would really like to finish up or work on my ink.
And a lot of other things that is to much to even list.
I do have a long term goal. I do wanna be a fire fighter. I also wanna have my own business as crime scene and undiscovered death clean up. Basically clean up the blood and body fluids after someone dies and the body is removed. It's a good job with a lot of money possibility.
I have a lot of other ideas I would love to start my own bar and resturant. I have an awesome theme and idea with cool food ideas.
My mind is wrapped up with so many ideas I wanna do. Like make an RV out of an old school bus.
My mine is always thinking up ideas and plans it's always moving. It's abit much sometimes but I like it. Then again sometimes I just have a blank mind with nothing at all happening but even when it's like that there is something happening it's hard to explain.
And so I'll end this now before it wanders off onto a side road of crazyness of how if you put a hat and sunglasses on a dog he would look like he could drive a truck.
So let's do an update. I started school Monday not was many classes as I planned on taking tho and I will explain. My father told me he was gonna cover my classes and pay for them to help me. So I signed up for 3 or 4 classes first responder, eng communications, med terms, and maybe survay to anatomy. So I signed up for all those classes. Then last min my father tells me he won't have any money to send till a few days after the due date for paying for the classes. So since my father flaked on me I had to drop all the classes but one. So I payed for first responder out of my pocket about 400 + dollars. So ya got fucked over on that one.
What else ? Still working hard at universal. Gonna start looking for a second job cause not to be greedy but I'm not making enough money. So if I get a second job I can start affording things I need along with bills and still might have some left over cash.
I need to do some things that I just can't afford. Like my car needs an overhaul oil change tranie flush brakes checked all that jazz.
I need some shoes cause I have two pairs and they are falling apart it's getting bad.
I need to start paying my brother back.
I need to figure out what I'm doing for the future ( living situation).
I want a few things kinda upgrades to life really.
I would like a laptop to I can get shit done for school and stop using my phone for all my Internet needs.
Would like to get some new clothes ( and rid of some old ones) cause alot of my stuff doesn't fit so well anymore.
Isn't as much of a need at all but I would like to get rid of my cannon of a gun and get a newer smaller pistol.
Would really like to finish up or work on my ink.
And a lot of other things that is to much to even list.
I do have a long term goal. I do wanna be a fire fighter. I also wanna have my own business as crime scene and undiscovered death clean up. Basically clean up the blood and body fluids after someone dies and the body is removed. It's a good job with a lot of money possibility.
I have a lot of other ideas I would love to start my own bar and resturant. I have an awesome theme and idea with cool food ideas.
My mind is wrapped up with so many ideas I wanna do. Like make an RV out of an old school bus.
My mine is always thinking up ideas and plans it's always moving. It's abit much sometimes but I like it. Then again sometimes I just have a blank mind with nothing at all happening but even when it's like that there is something happening it's hard to explain.
And so I'll end this now before it wanders off onto a side road of crazyness of how if you put a hat and sunglasses on a dog he would look like he could drive a truck.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.
The entertainment sode!!!!
Who says sode ??? I do bitch, moving on. So this is about music movies and what have you.
Music.
I love music always have it playing when I can. I'm a huge rock fan but not main stream more underground. Fav underground bands triggerpoint I can listen to the album all the way through without skipping amazing band that sadly didn't make enough money and called it quits. Other amazing bands Drykill logic , Demon Hunter, Showdown, 36crazyfists, Devildriver, Coal chamber, Killswitch engage, Nonpoint, Otep, Fear my thoughts, Machine head, Bloodsimple, Bobaflex, Rikets, Inflames, Soilwork , American head charge , Chimaria. All amazing bands so so many more just to many to list.
I think music is a gateway an escape from the real world a freedom. I think that music and movies are a form of art. It will get you through any troubles your having stuff to listen to when your happy or stuff that understands when your angry. It's music something to move to or sleep to.
Now I'm starting to open up to rap but not that lil Wayne fat John or dick Ross shit. Once again I'm opening up to a type of underground but not the typical rap. It's pandora that has this group together I don't know the listing type tho but it's some of the most chill music you can listen to. Not that shit that tells you to move or those fucks that say how thier life is better then everyone elses. The groups I listen to MF Doom and all his side projects from madvillians to danger doom. I like him because it's chill everyday music he talks about storys in his music or getting high ehh and just funny stuff. So he is a huge part of the rap I do listen to from time to time. So MF Doom , madvillians , jurassic 5 , chicharones , atmosphere , danger doom , mos def , Gym class heros , hieroglyphics. So yes all chill relax music to listen to.
Movies
well now I love movies. I mean who doesn't ? And if you know from the title of this blog I like comedys ( from me myself and Irene ) so yes love that movie but what is amazing is The Big Lebowski. One of the best films of all time that I can quote in and out. That and blues brothers , American psycho. Best movies ever and I love to quote. And love so many others pineapple express , inglorious bastards , any Eli Roth or Tarantino movies!!! Amazing ... But running out of time.
That's a little insight into the mind of me an my thoughts.
Peace.
Who says sode ??? I do bitch, moving on. So this is about music movies and what have you.
Music.
I love music always have it playing when I can. I'm a huge rock fan but not main stream more underground. Fav underground bands triggerpoint I can listen to the album all the way through without skipping amazing band that sadly didn't make enough money and called it quits. Other amazing bands Drykill logic , Demon Hunter, Showdown, 36crazyfists, Devildriver, Coal chamber, Killswitch engage, Nonpoint, Otep, Fear my thoughts, Machine head, Bloodsimple, Bobaflex, Rikets, Inflames, Soilwork , American head charge , Chimaria. All amazing bands so so many more just to many to list.
I think music is a gateway an escape from the real world a freedom. I think that music and movies are a form of art. It will get you through any troubles your having stuff to listen to when your happy or stuff that understands when your angry. It's music something to move to or sleep to.
Now I'm starting to open up to rap but not that lil Wayne fat John or dick Ross shit. Once again I'm opening up to a type of underground but not the typical rap. It's pandora that has this group together I don't know the listing type tho but it's some of the most chill music you can listen to. Not that shit that tells you to move or those fucks that say how thier life is better then everyone elses. The groups I listen to MF Doom and all his side projects from madvillians to danger doom. I like him because it's chill everyday music he talks about storys in his music or getting high ehh and just funny stuff. So he is a huge part of the rap I do listen to from time to time. So MF Doom , madvillians , jurassic 5 , chicharones , atmosphere , danger doom , mos def , Gym class heros , hieroglyphics. So yes all chill relax music to listen to.
Movies
well now I love movies. I mean who doesn't ? And if you know from the title of this blog I like comedys ( from me myself and Irene ) so yes love that movie but what is amazing is The Big Lebowski. One of the best films of all time that I can quote in and out. That and blues brothers , American psycho. Best movies ever and I love to quote. And love so many others pineapple express , inglorious bastards , any Eli Roth or Tarantino movies!!! Amazing ... But running out of time.
That's a little insight into the mind of me an my thoughts.
Peace.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Rough around the edges
Due to lack of sleep from the past week I have been struggling at work and been feeling like shit but it's life it happens and move on.
I don't know why I'm even writing this guess it's move of a note then a blog since only one person reads this if that. So with the situation at hand. Being called out in front of friends appently doing everything wrong. I don't do this correct I don't do that at all. I need to do this I should do that. That is all I'm getting is things I need to do. When all I asked was one thing no bull shit and I am still getting it.
Something was started AFTER knowing how I am and then getting told I need to change the way I am. I don't know it confuses me and so much other.
The usage of shit agaist me is getting old.
Then theirs the not talking but doing the teasers shit on facebook I don't know if your tryin to make me jealous or what.
I don't fucking know anymore I'm over tired over thinking and over cooked
I'm lost in my own head.
I don't know why I'm even writing this guess it's move of a note then a blog since only one person reads this if that. So with the situation at hand. Being called out in front of friends appently doing everything wrong. I don't do this correct I don't do that at all. I need to do this I should do that. That is all I'm getting is things I need to do. When all I asked was one thing no bull shit and I am still getting it.
Something was started AFTER knowing how I am and then getting told I need to change the way I am. I don't know it confuses me and so much other.
The usage of shit agaist me is getting old.
Then theirs the not talking but doing the teasers shit on facebook I don't know if your tryin to make me jealous or what.
I don't fucking know anymore I'm over tired over thinking and over cooked
I'm lost in my own head.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Well shit the bed
It's been a bit.
Lately I have been feeling like I don't fit in or I don't belong. Been feeling like that basically everywhere even my own home. It's a shitty feeling and I'm not sure why I am getting it. Maybe I'm wrong or maybe idk maybe I don't fit in. It's hard when you barely feel welcome at home. Might get better if I start to spend more time at home.
Took a trip to Clearwater over the holiday weekend spent time with old friends and family. It was alright but I would have been better if it was a shorter visit. Can only handle mike in short periods. Him bossing apperently only me around. Being a control freak and just being an ass. It will be a while before I visit again.
In other news I'm no longer single. Tho don't know why I'm even writing it cause she is the only one that reads this and I'm pretty sure she knows. Hello trouble.
Anyway I'm drawing a blank right now so not sure what else to write. I guess that's just a short update on my life.
Lately I have been feeling like I don't fit in or I don't belong. Been feeling like that basically everywhere even my own home. It's a shitty feeling and I'm not sure why I am getting it. Maybe I'm wrong or maybe idk maybe I don't fit in. It's hard when you barely feel welcome at home. Might get better if I start to spend more time at home.
Took a trip to Clearwater over the holiday weekend spent time with old friends and family. It was alright but I would have been better if it was a shorter visit. Can only handle mike in short periods. Him bossing apperently only me around. Being a control freak and just being an ass. It will be a while before I visit again.
In other news I'm no longer single. Tho don't know why I'm even writing it cause she is the only one that reads this and I'm pretty sure she knows. Hello trouble.
Anyway I'm drawing a blank right now so not sure what else to write. I guess that's just a short update on my life.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Subject to change
Money doesn't buy happyness? My ass I doesn't it buys you cars, toys, a home, food, liquor, and in some places, If you wanna break the law, a woman for a night or a bride from Russia. So yes money does buy happyness and if you dissagree sorry.
So I now finally have money in my life I can breath easy I can smile and hopefully get out of this hole. Cashed out my 401k so that gave me a chunk to pay bills and I just got my first check from universal , which I got yesterday and still havnt checked it. I can stop worrying. Jesus it is such a good feeling.
I feel like I am a nomad out here in Orlando living out. Of friends houses and my car but it's a alot of gas money going back home and I was broke but now I'm good so I might go home more offen who knows? It's good and bad tho doing what I'm doing hanging out bein close with my friends again but it seems when ever any of us hang out we couldn't seem to be farther away from eachother for everyone. Not talking or just arguing idk maybe since I was gone they see how much I'm not wanted ... Another who knows. I will still try to stay in a good mood tho.
Excited about this weekend tho very excited. Going to a party at Danelle's house ( a fellow spring hillian I went to school with back in the day) gonna hang out with her some of her friends some other Orlando spring hellians aswell and some people coming from spring hill to think she said old high school friends Joanna Stacy and maybe steve are showin up. Gonna be awesome.
So for the most part I'm actually doing ok. Few things I need to unwrap my head around and derack the brain. Something that has been going on for a bit now and I need to stop doing the same old shit I do and just let it go. Easier said then done tho. It's cause to many problems drama and shit. I just idk hat to do. Need to think more about it. Gonna have to do something cause these feeling are the same old feelings and can't be goin there again.
And I'm fallin asleep writing this cause I just got off work.
In the end I'm happy actually happy and maybe going into my norm cheer person sometime in the future.. Have money and money buys endless happyness. And head thinking. I'm gonna drink apple juice my only real loveable fruit . And listen to my good tunes
So I now finally have money in my life I can breath easy I can smile and hopefully get out of this hole. Cashed out my 401k so that gave me a chunk to pay bills and I just got my first check from universal , which I got yesterday and still havnt checked it. I can stop worrying. Jesus it is such a good feeling.
I feel like I am a nomad out here in Orlando living out. Of friends houses and my car but it's a alot of gas money going back home and I was broke but now I'm good so I might go home more offen who knows? It's good and bad tho doing what I'm doing hanging out bein close with my friends again but it seems when ever any of us hang out we couldn't seem to be farther away from eachother for everyone. Not talking or just arguing idk maybe since I was gone they see how much I'm not wanted ... Another who knows. I will still try to stay in a good mood tho.
Excited about this weekend tho very excited. Going to a party at Danelle's house ( a fellow spring hillian I went to school with back in the day) gonna hang out with her some of her friends some other Orlando spring hellians aswell and some people coming from spring hill to think she said old high school friends Joanna Stacy and maybe steve are showin up. Gonna be awesome.
So for the most part I'm actually doing ok. Few things I need to unwrap my head around and derack the brain. Something that has been going on for a bit now and I need to stop doing the same old shit I do and just let it go. Easier said then done tho. It's cause to many problems drama and shit. I just idk hat to do. Need to think more about it. Gonna have to do something cause these feeling are the same old feelings and can't be goin there again.
And I'm fallin asleep writing this cause I just got off work.
In the end I'm happy actually happy and maybe going into my norm cheer person sometime in the future.. Have money and money buys endless happyness. And head thinking. I'm gonna drink apple juice my only real loveable fruit . And listen to my good tunes
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Perfectly flawed
Nothing better then being called inadaquite in the morning...
I'm far from perfect and I'm fine with it. I am a sensie or sensative I'm accepting that cause I'm called it and starts to ring true. Being told that I have a problem cause I'm not the same as another person sure as fuck brings you down a level and since I'm already on the ground wha then? Throw that compliment ontop of already feeling like shit for struggling with a job, money, bills, family, life everything then I don't even know.
There is a problem with me being me?
With me being different.
I used to not Think so but..
I used to work hard to not be normal not be another face in the crowd but also worked hard to not make myself feel like shit for it either...
Always tryed to feel good bout who I am. Guess. Shouldn't or maybe I'm over reacting
a night out with the guys should cheer me up. That and a blast from the past just contacted me puts a smileon my face.
Now time to drink.
I'm far from perfect and I'm fine with it. I am a sensie or sensative I'm accepting that cause I'm called it and starts to ring true. Being told that I have a problem cause I'm not the same as another person sure as fuck brings you down a level and since I'm already on the ground wha then? Throw that compliment ontop of already feeling like shit for struggling with a job, money, bills, family, life everything then I don't even know.
There is a problem with me being me?
With me being different.
I used to not Think so but..
I used to work hard to not be normal not be another face in the crowd but also worked hard to not make myself feel like shit for it either...
Always tryed to feel good bout who I am. Guess. Shouldn't or maybe I'm over reacting
a night out with the guys should cheer me up. That and a blast from the past just contacted me puts a smileon my face.
Now time to drink.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
